It’s been four years since the last time I posted some of my visual art work on the blog. It’s been nearly that long since I created what I consider really good art. Art from the soul.
In February, I was laid off. This is the third time in four years that I’ve experienced un(der) employment. It’s been hard on me. It’s been hard on my soul.
A couple weeks ago, I decided to surrender my circumstances and let go. I never knew it could be so easy. Though, considering it took me two months to shake off the bonds of my depression, it wasn’t that easy.
I reached out with my spirit and I made a decision to be happy. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I no longer wanted to feel the crushing weight of despair on me. I was tired of the nagging whispers in my head that told me I was worthless and I should take my own life for not being able to take care of myself. I was in a bad way.
But no more.
I put my heart and soul in the Hands of the Heavens. I felt the spirits of my Ancestors move within me and I found my strength.
I’m still underemployed, but I’ve found a daily routine that includes healthy forms of self-care. I exercise. I breathe. I make time for prayer and spiritual work. All the parts of myself that I neglected to pursuit a capitalist paradise, I tended to. I started making art again. I cooked warming, nutritious food. I cleaned my living space and I could feel it’s sigh of relief. My home stopped being a prison and returned to being my sanctuary. For the first time in a long time, I feel my heart leaping with joy and my body tingles with energy. I dance and I sing on the daily. I still want to cry sometimes, but they’re happy tears. It seems more like a miracle than reality. I feel like I found a missing part of me. I’m grateful for it and pray I can maintain this inner balance when my path opens and I’m fully employed again.
The most popular post on my blog that never fails to get hits year after year is my post on being broken, but not shattered. I continue to struggle with self-love, self-care and battling my inner demons. But I also continue to be hopeful and inspired. I’m still here.
So, I wanted to share what I’ve been working on and hope that I can pass on some of the joy, beauty and grace that I’m enjoying now.
Peace be with you, dear readers.