Week two has come and gone. I still can’t believe that I’m here, in Chicago. Commencement was the scariest thing that I ever had to do. Much scarier than moving. I kept thinking that some how they had made a mistake and I wasn’t really graduating. But when they handed me that diploma and I saw my name I knew it was true. I graduated college. It was the most surreal moment of my life.
It should have been the one of the happiest. But it wasn’t. I mean, all my dreams had come true: I was graduating, I was finally leaving Oberlin, and I was moving back to Chicago. Yet, something was missing. I still don’t know what. I was in a daze for the rest of the evening as my mom helped me pack up the U-haul. The next day I worked on finishing up packing, turned in my key, took out my savings and left. Nary a tear scrolled down my cheek.
When I got into the city, I unpacked the U-haul, said good-bye to Dad and was left alone. Then, I picked up like nothing had happened. I went to the grocery store, made dinner, started looking for jobs and went to bed.
Somewhere between finals and my arrival here, I grew up. I mean, I was already grown. This isn’t my first time on my own. But my return to college was followed by a return to my youthfulness. When I was “in the real world” I was working. I didn’t have time to make friends and I didn’t really think I was smart enough to hang with the college kids. But in college, I was relatively taken care of. I had meals, a roof over my head and everything. I even traveled on the school’s dime. Now that I’m back in the real world I sense a definite mental shift. Oddly enough, I’m not the same person I was two weeks ago.
My main mission is to find a job. I had one for about three days (canvassing) but I couldn’t cut it. Now I’m looking for something for me. Something that is meaningful to me.
In the meantime, I’m trying to meet people, possibly find some friends. I’ve also been perusing some of the city’s fine free (and some not-so-free) events. For instance, this past week I went to see Avenue Q. I feel it is symbolic of my life. And today I went to the 57th street art fair where I found this amazing long black skirt made out of parts of old jeans. However, it was $365, so I did not buy it. But the lady gave me her card and said that I could make installments which I may check out in the future.
All in all, I’m feeling generally good about things. Life is really starting, it’s finally happening. But something is still missing. Maybe it’s fulfillment. Maybe I just need a job so I’m not sitting around all day thinking about my life. Maybe I need to take weekly visits to the Dunkin Donuts. We’ll see…